Calm his demons
by halfravenhalfclaw
Summary: Remus tries to calm the wolf by punching a punching bag; a technique that seems to work. But when the bullies bully too much and he stands all alone with it, perhaps he needs a new way to stay calm. Perhaps he needs a friend.
1. Calm his demons

_**Written for The Quidditch League Fanfiction Competition.**_

_[Season 7] - Round 3_

_Team: Chudley Cannons_

_Position: Chaser 3 - The Nati of Himachal Pradesh; __**write about a character who makes a friend that makes them peaceful (This can include feeling peaceful or curbing their violent tendencies).**_

_Prompts:_

_1 (song) Demons - Imagine Dragons_

_6 (quote) "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Eleanor Roosevelt._

_12 (object) journal_

_Thanks to insertcleverandwittytitlehere for betaing._

.:lll:.

_It took me forever to figure out where I had heard that quote before until I realized it was from a Barbie movie._

.:lll:.

_Dear Journal_

_I'm staying at Hogwarts for the holidays. We moved again because someone almost guessed my secret. I have to stay here during the holidays because our new flat in London doesn't have a cellar._

_I miss the quietness of Wales and all the sheep; London is so busy and it's even harder for me to fall asleep close to the full moon because of all the noise._

_Hogwarts is great and all, but I miss mum and dad. I'm afraid to be a disappointment to them. I know what dad said about my kind before my accident, why should his views change?_

_I'm scared I won't be here much longer._

_Anyway, one of my dorm-mates just entered our dorm. Sirius Black is also staying, but neither of his friends are. I wonder why he is then, but I don't have the guts to ask._

_I'll talk to you later._

_\- Remus Lupin_

_8/12-1972_

.:lll:.

Remus glanced over the top of his journal, but Black didn't even bother to look back at him, or else he just didn't see Remus. It happened a lot actually, yet Remus didn't care; he was just relieved that no one noticed him. If they did, they might discover his secret.

After a couple of minutes, their eyes met, and Remus quickly hid behind the journal. He could feel Black's intense glare on him.

"What's that?"

Remus dared a glance and saw Black pointing at his journal; the other boy had never spoken directly to him outside of class before.

"Uhh," his eyes moved down. "Just a book."

"Hmm."

Black let the subject go and sat down on his own bed with his own book. Remus sighed silently in relief.

.:lll:.

He hit it once.

Twice.

His fist slammed the punching bag a third time. It moved with his touch and left his fingers red and sore. Remus aimed at it once more. His vision was blurry. Hands ready. Another punch was thrown forward. The sound echoed through the room of requirement.

Professor Dumbledore had shown him the room not long after he had confided in Madam Pomfrey. It was supposed to be a secret; Remus didn't want anyone to know about it. He hated how the wolf affected him even though it wasn't full moon, but this was the only way he could keep it at bay the rest of the time.

Wolves (especially werewolves) were extremely violent. In both human and wolf form, Remus wanted to rip everything apart and see it shatter to pieces, but his logical part told him he shouldn't do it. After all, he couldn't very well go around and ruin things.

Before Remus told Madam Pomfrey, he used to get it out in the forest, but he was always terrified to do so. Anyone could see him, plus he didn't feel good hurting the poor trees.

At least this new way, Remus didn't hurt anyone or anything while still feeling a little bit human.

Finally, his arms gave up and his legs gave up, and Remus fell to the ground. Small water patterns decorated the floor right under his head; it was a disgusting mixture between sweat, snot and tears. He spat on it. Remus wanted to break more things, but he didn't even have the energy to move.

He exhaled loudly and tried to catch enough air to get it to his lungs. No air came in and Remus tried again. When still none came his eyes filled with tears. Panicking he tried to inhale. He exhaled a couple of times before trying to inhale again.

After a couple of more tries, Remus finally managed to breathe normally again.

.:lll:.

_Dear Journal_

_Black has been acting weird around me. He no longer acts as if he's better than me like he and everyone else usually do, and I don't know how to feel about it._

_There's still a couple of weeks until Christmas and I miss mum and dad terrible I wish I could go home. Or whatever I should call our new flat. Christmas at Hogwarts would probably be a lot more fun if I had someone to share it with._

_Happy Christmas to you._

_\- Remus Lupin_

_10/12-1972_

.:lll:.

Black was staring at Remus. Silence filled the air except for the sound of paper ripping and the occasional Reparo. His fists were still sore from his last training, so Remus decided to rip paper instead. The sight and sound of the paper being ripped apart satisfied his ears.

"How are you feeling?"

Remus jumped when Black spoke. He had been aware of the staring but never thought Black would actually talk to him. People didn't usually talk to him unless it was to make him feel bad.

"Good. I guess," he mumbled

"Cool."

Silence filled the room again. His fingers stretched and bent. Remus wanted to rip the paper again, but he was afraid as to what Black had planned, therefore he kept his eyes on the other boy who stared back.

"It makes sense," Black continued after a while. "There's still more than a week until the next full moon."

Coldness overtook his body and Remus unconsciously started shaking. What would he do? Would Black blackmail him or turn him into the ministry? Remus knew very well what the Blacks thought of his kind, they wanted his kind to…

Panic flushed over him.

In the next second, Black was over him.

"How did you trick Dumbledore? Why are you here? Are you a spy for Greyback-"

At the mention of the name Remus saw red, he suddenly rose from his bed and was about to defend himself (with words) but Black took a couple of steps back and Remus hesitated.

"Come on," Black dared. He tried to appear brave, but Remus could practically smell the fear radiating from his dorm-mate.

Remus bit his lips together and clenched his fists. Why was it that it was him who had to control himself when he had the most trouble doing so? He let out a frustrated groan and practically ran out of the room. Remus should stay and beg Black to keep his secret, whatever it took. He couldn't leave Hogwarts, he just couldn't, but he couldn't stay either.

In the Room of Requirement, he would be able to cool off and get his thoughts away from Black. Remus reached the tapestry with Barnabas the Barmy who taught trolls to dance ballet. He walked past it.

_I need a place where I can calm down._

_I need a place where I can calm down_

_I need a place where I ca-_

Someone (literally) pushed him out of his thoughts. Remus collided with the ground and let out a little whimper, he laid completely still (or at least he tried) and took a deep breath through his nostrils.

Lucius Malfoy and his gang of Slytherins.

"Get up, you weakling," Malfoy ordered. Remus had learnt really quick that it was best to just do as he was told . After all Malfoy was a sixth year while Remus was only a second year. "What are you up to these holidays? Did your parents realize they didn't want you anymore?"

His gang laughed and Remus tensed. He tried to take deep breaths and keep the wolf under control; they only wanted him to lose his temper, that's what they always wanted.

"What's wrong? Is the puny little Gryffindor scared? Do you need a hug from your mama?" Malfoy let out fake wail which caused his gang to laugh again. It wasn't even funny, (they probably only laughed because he forced them to) but it hurt because Remus actually did need a hug, but his mum was always too afraid to give him one.

Tears fell from his eyes as he remembered her. He was a monster, that's why she didn't hug him. He was scared, he was stupid and nothing good could ever happen to him. Remus deserved whatever Black and the ministry would do to him

"Aw, are you a little crybaby?" Malfoy teased.

"Got a problem with that?" someone cut him off. Remus didn't look up, but he knew it was Black.

Malfoy let out a snort of amusement.

"Do you think it's funny, _Malfoy?_" Black dared, his face fierce and serious, but then a smirk overtook. "I got one more! You all leave _my friend_ alone," he turned to the gang, "and did you know that Lucius sleeps with a pi-"

"Fine!" Malfoy cut him off with a panicked look in his eyes. He ordered his gang to leave and soon enough there was only Black and Remus left in the corridor.

"Are you alright?" Black asked with much more concern than Remus had ever heard him use towards his friends.

He nodded. "I deserve it anyway-"

"No, you don't!" Black's eyes were suddenly fierce again. "You don't deserve to be treated that way - even if you had done something!"

Remus couldn't remove his eyes from the floor.

"They make me feel so stupid and small" he mumbled.

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent," Black stated calmly.

"But I am inferior, I'm… you know what I am."

And if Black knew, why was he being so nice to Remus?

"I know you're a Gryffindor, I know you're totally awesome and super smart," Black smiled. There was something about that smile and the scent coming from him that made Remus relax. "I know about you, and I don't care; I won't tell anyone."

Remus didn't want to be hopeful, but he couldn't help it. Sirius was being so nice to him, and the scent told him that he wasn't lying.

"Thank you."

Sirius quickly swung both his arms around Remus who clung onto the first hug he had gotten since he was five.

.:lll:.

_Dear Journal_

_I still can't believe Sirius wants to be my friend even when he discovered my secret. It surprises me how nice he is towards me and how calm he makes me - I haven't needed to punch the punching bag since he decided to be my friend._

_I never thought it would be so amazing, but I was right about one thing; Christmas at Hogwarts is much better with a friend._

_Sirius promised he would introduce me to his other friends (James Potter and Peter Pettigrew). When I told him I was scared they wouldn't like me, he assured me that they would, and even if they didn't, he would still spend just as much time with me as with them._

_He says friends talk to each other when they feel down, so I probably won't need you anymore. Don't feel bad about it, you have helped a lot these past years, and I think I'm ready to let go._

_Goodbye (maybe forever)_

_\- Remus Lupin_

_25/12-1972_

.:lll:.

**Word count: 1812**

.:lll:.

_A/N_

_I wanted to make this more wolfstar, but the prompt said friend, so I decided against it. BUT I'm not ready to leave this just yet, so when I get the time, I want to write a few extra chapters where they get together._


	2. BFF

Remus felt soft hands run through his hair. They slowly made their way from the top of his head to his neck. Just again and again. Birds were chirping outside the hospital wing and the sun was slowly rising. It seemed like the perfect morning if the moon hadn't been full the previous night.

The smell of chocolate caused Remus to open his eyes. Sirius was the one who ran his fingers through his hair, James sat with several pieces of parchment and Peter was the one with the chocolate.

Sirius immediately saw that Remus was awake and helped him sit up, it arched through his whole body and Remus let out a little groan. His head rested on Sirius' shoulder, and he closed his eyes again.

Suddenly the chocolate was in his mouth.

"Come on, eat. It'll make you feel better," Sirius gently stroked from Remus' cheek to his chin with his thumb.

Remus obeyed. He bit the chocolate and this sweet taste of chocolate mixed with medicine filled his entire mouth. He hated that they always hid the medicine in the chocolate to trick him into eating it because it ruined the chocolate-taste, but Remus ate it anyway because he knew Sirius would be worried if he didn't.

"Good Moony." Sirius clapped his head gently.

Remus smiled at the gesture and the nickname. Nicknames were a thing that friends gave each other. Remus had friends. He had also begun calling Sirius for Siri, Peter for Pete and James for Jamie. They all also sometimes called him Moony, and that felt amazing because no one else called him that.

"Can I get some real chocolate now?"

He jolted slightly when Sirius started laughing, but only a few moments later he had chocolate in his mouth. Remus ate slowly, enjoyed the warmth from Sirius' body and listened to his heart beating. It was so rare he got to spend time with Sirius ever since he started dating Marlene McKinnon.

Usually, Sirius would spend most of his time with her, or she would be with them. The mornings after full moons were the only time Remus had him by himself.

Suddenly Sirius sighed loudly, causing Remus to open his eyes.

"Sorry, Moony. We have class now. But I'll see you at dinner," Sirius hastily added the last part when he saw the look on Remus' face. He helped him lay down again. The pain was mostly gone, but still slightly present.

"Here are the notes we took," James quickly put the papers on the nightstand.

Sirius tucked the duvet around Remus so everything, but his head was covered, then gave him the chocolate between his hands and kissed him gently on his head. Remus' eyes fluttered shut for just the moment Sirius' lips and his forehead connected.

Sirius shut the curtains as he was the last person to walk away.

.:lll:.

Remus hit the pillow and it arched through his arm, though he did it again, and again, and again. Sirius had told him to talk with him when he felt like hitting things, but Sirius wasn't there, was he? He was anywhere but with Remus.

He heard the door to the hospital wing open, checked the time and then quickly put the pillow back so his friends wouldn't know that he had been hitting it. His eyes were glued to the curtain. James walked in, Peter walked in, and… Sirius didn't walk in.

His heart sank immediately.

"Where's Sirius?" he asked even though he probably already knew the answer.

"Sorry, Moony. Marlene surprised him with a picnic so he couldn't say no. He says he'll come by after the last classes today." James put some notes on the pile of parchment that was already there. He frowned.

"Haven't you read them?"

Remus shook his head and shrugged his shoulders. He had been busy torturing himself with the image of Sirius and Marlene being together. It didn't truly bother him that they were together, it was only that she was taking so much of Sirius' time.

"Do you want some more chocolate," Peter cut in.

Remus shook his head, he didn't miss the way his two friends shared a look, but he didn't care. He just wanted Sirius to be there.

"I'm gonna go to sleep," he announced and laid down with his back to the others.

It wasn't until after a few minutes that they finally left him all alone. He couldn't hold back a couple of tears that ran down his cheek.

.:lll:.

Sirius turned around when James called his name. He had only just gotten outside with Marlene and was about to put out the picnic blanket, but the tone in James' voice made him stop. Marlene sighed, but Sirius ignored her and walked towards James.

"Remus has been hitting again," James said. Sirius' eyes opened wide. "Madam Pomfrey told us, and when we went to see him he was really upset that you weren't there. He didn't even want chocolate."

Without even giving it a second thought Sirius began walking towards the hospital wing, but James grabbed his arm and gestured towards Marlene. She looked rather shocked that he was just gonna leave.

Sirius sighed, but walked over to her anyway, he hated to just sit around and do nothing when Remus needed him.

"Remus needs me, so I have to go."

"But I made dinner," she gestured to the picnic basket.

"I promised Remus I would eat dinner with him, so I really should've done that instead of coming here. I'm sorry, we can do it later or some other time, but right now he needs me.

"You always throw everything out of your hands when he needs you, but rarely when I do."

Sirius sighed quietly. "He's my friend—"

"I'm your girlfriend, doesn't that mean something too?"

He took a deep breath, shocked that he was even having this conversation. "Of course, it means something, but it doesn't mean everything. I keep pushing my friends aside because of you, and I'm tired of it. So, either I get to spend more time with them -alone- or this doesn't work out between us."

Her eyes widened.

.:lll:.

"Moony?"

Remus turned around hesitantly. He instantly knew who it was, but he just hadn't expected Sirius to come to visit. And even though he was sort of mad at him for not coming for dinner even though he promised to, Remus couldn't help but smile when he saw Sirius.

"Sirius."

"Hey," he said in a calmer tone. "I'm not feeling so good, so I'm taking the rest of the classes off. Is it okay if I sit here with you?" He had his hands behind his back and tripped nervously.

Remus didn't even care if Sirius was lying or not, he was just happy to finally get some time alone. "Yeah." He moved to make room next to him, but Sirius sat down on the other side of the bed.

"I'm sorry I didn't come earlier." He didn't meet Remus' eyes.

"It's alright. You had to be with Marlene. I understand that" he lied.

"But you shouldn't have to," Sirius finally looked up. "I promised I would eat dinner with you, so I should've. I'm sorry, it won't happen again."

Now it was Remus' turn to look down, it hadn't been in his words directly, but just the fact that he had apologized twice showed that he knew more than he told. "Did James and Peter tell?"

And how did they know?

"Well, yes, but that's not the point. I've been doing it a lot lately. Marlene just wanted to hang out all the time, and she said that that's what couples do. So I went along with it, but now… I broke up with her."

Remus quickly looked up. "You did what?"

"You're my friend Remus," he took his hand, "and if you're hurt because of us being together, then I don't want to be with her."

Remus stared at their joined hands and couldn't quite believe what he was hearing. It was wrong. Friends shouldn't make their friends break up with people who made them happy. And Sirius was happy with her, he had seen the way he looked at her.

"You shouldn't break up with her because of me."

"I did tell her I wanted to hang more out with you guys. Alone. And if she didn't get that, then I didn't want to be with her." He gently squeezed Remus' hand.

"Okay then." Remus felt a little better knowing she had gotten the chance to change things. After all, Sirius didn't say that he wanted to spend more time with him, but rather all of them. "Are you actually sick, or did you just come here to talk with me?"

"Oh, I'm sick," Sirius fake-coughed and put his hand against his forehead. "I think I've caught a fever. Hold me." He stretched out his arms towards Remus who caught him. "I'm suffering from a very rare disease that makes me unbelievably handsome."

Remus laughed shortly. "Excuse me sir, but you do not seem to suffer from any of the symptoms."

Sirius huffed. "Ouch."

"But you do suffer from a disease that makes you more than average level of handsome and the best friend in the world."

"Dammit," Sirius pouted for just a second, but then he smiled. "I think you suffer from the same thing. We better get locked up together so that nobody else gets infected."

Remus shook his head. "You're mistaken. I'm immune to the disease you're describing."

"Bullshit."

He rolled his eyes. "Okay, I'm not infected by the disease you're describing."

Sirius smirked. "Well, I can change that." He grabbed Remus' head, pressed their lips together before the other boy even had to chance to think, and then it was over. Sirius pulled away again a little smile on his lips as he laughed. "That was weird… but now you're infected too." He smirked.

Remus couldn't do anything but nod slightly and offer a weak smile. Why did it feel so amazing kissing Sirius? How could Sirius go on to pretend nothing had happened when there had been literal sparks? Why was the only thing he could think about how much he wanted to kiss Sirius again?

Why did he lie when Sirius asked if he was okay, and acted as if that kiss hadn't just turned his world upside down?

.:lll:.

**Who can tell if B.F.F. stands for Best Friend Forever or BoyFriends Forever?**


End file.
